if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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