i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
