my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
