i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
