so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
