my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
