He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
