I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
