If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
