well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
