Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
