real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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