try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
