i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
