So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
