"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
