i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
