My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
