How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
