I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
