masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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