I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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