his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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