dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
