Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
