Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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