dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
