the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
