tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
