Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
