god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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