For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
