he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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