apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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