A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
