I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
