You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
