If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
