just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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