So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it because I queefed?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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