I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
