I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
