wakey wakey hands off snakey
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
