Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
