you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
