Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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