Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
