so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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