i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
