so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
