I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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