sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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