Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
