Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
