I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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