Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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