Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my being single is dangerous.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
