We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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