the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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