I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
